Wendy Truer’s House, Brisbane, 9 FEBRUARY 2016

Staying with Wendy in Brisbane, I feel safe. Protected from more bad things.

Wendy and I have lots in common, personally and professionally. She is gentle, respectful, and peaceful.

The morning after I arrive in Brisbane from the hospital, Wendy lingers on her back porch, drinking tea with me.

Initially, I worry that she will be late for work. Soon I realize that she is worried about me. Later Wendy explains that I was repeating myself with almost every sentence.

I feel nothing. I am emotionally numb. I am balancing drugs and strong physical pain, mostly in my chest and shoulder. The cuts on my hands and feet are healing well. Heavy-duty painkillers take the edge off, acting as a sort of buffer between me and my life. I am grateful for this buffer.

I am surprised when Wendy says she’s booked a Reiki healing session for me that afternoon. Geoffrey will collect me, drive me to my appointment, and pick me up after the treatment. He excelled the day before, driving from the hospital to Wendy’s house at 45 kms. per hour — all the while making up terrible jokes. I love Geoff. He is a beautiful, kind man who was the emcee at our wedding.

Meeting Angela

Geoffrey is so nervous that we get lost, and I am late for my Reiki session. It’s a hot summer day. I rush in, flustered and sweating. Angela, a warm, middle-aged woman, greets me with a compassionate smile and ushers me into a small, high-ceilinged room with painted white wooden walls. A candle flickers on a small table, and a ceiling fan whirrs above me, its cool breeze brushing my cheek. Angela offers me a seat and a glass of water. She is calm and reassuring. I ease my aching frame into a wicker chair across from her, holding the glass in two hands.

Angela’s old Queenslander house is familiar and comforting. A lot like Wendy’s house.

I am safe — for now.

I guess that Angela wants to talk about my injuries before asking me to climb up on the massage table for the Reiki treatment. But she has other ideas.

She leans toward me, smiling.

“We have lots of time, Wendy,” she whispers. “Your friend Wendy has paid for your session, and I have no other appointments this afternoon. So let’s just sit and chat a bit before I do your treatment — if that’s all right with you. You’ve had such a terrible experience. I am so sorry to hear about what’s happened to you. It was only a few days ago. Is that right? You poor, dear thing.”

Although relaxing seems like a distant concept to me, I kick off my sandals and settle back into the wicker chair.

Angela leans forward, looks at me directly, and speaks again.

“Karl has some things he wants me to tell you,” she says softly, eyeing me carefully. She must know that this revelation will not shock me. As I quickly figure out, Angela is clairvoyant. I studied with a clairvoyant for a full year and have many clairvoyant friends. I am no stranger to mediumship.

I draw a small, painful breath and nod.

“Thank you. That’s fine with me,” I say.

“It might be good if you could breathe a little bit,” she quietly suggests.

I draw what I imagine to be a long, deep breath into my bruised chest and slowly exhale it, wincing.

“Okay,” I say. “Thank you. Please go on, Angela.”

“Karl also wants you to know that he did not intentionally drive off that cliff at Uki last Saturday afternoon. It was an accident. He did not intentionally do it. But he had accepted that he probably would not live a long life.”

I nod again.

Angela continues:

“Karl wants you to know that he is fine. He has not suffered. He was aware that you tried to save him in the car. He is showing me the two of you in the submerged car and your desperate attempts to release him from his seatbelt before he drowned. And he is so grateful that you held and comforted him after he died.

“That time you had together in the river — when you did that Earth healing work for him — has made a huge difference to him. It has opened up a channel of communication between you two that will last forever. He wants you to know that now his entire purpose — for as long as you live — is to support you in your life. That will be his whole focus — just to care for you and to support you.”

While this revelation does not bring tears to my eyes, it touches me deeply, and I know it is true: Karl would never leave me.

I do not cry.

My first tears will not come for nearly three weeks.

“Is this all right with you, what I’m saying, Wendy?” Angela inquires softly.

I nod.

“This is not uncomfortable for me. I understand what you are saying. It all makes sense to me. Please go on, Angela.”

I allow myself the luxury of a sense of expectation.

“Karl wants me to tell you again that the road was wet and slippery, and he simply lost control. That’s all. He hopes you understand and accept that. He is glad that you have not been hurt except for a bit of bruising. That’s true, isn’t it?”

I nod again. That is mostly true.

“Is it okay if I continue?” Angela gently inquires. “Karl has more he wants to tell you.”

I nod.

Karl will be in charge of the money

“Karl wants you to know that from this point on, he will be in charge of the money for you.”

I smile and allow myself a chuckle that surprises me. I bend forward to reply.

“That’ll be a change,” I whisper.  “It’s time for Karl to be in charge of the money.” Taking care of money — he called it kröten — had hardly been Karl’s strong suit.

“Well,” she continues. “Karl really means it, and he says that things will now be much easier for you financially, as he will be dedicated 100 percent to taking care of the money in your life. You will notice a difference in the ease with which all financial matters are resolved from this point on.”

Then she looks at me closely and continues, “Where there was once shame and guilt between you two, there will now be understanding and forgiveness.”

“Thank you,” I nod, unable to imagine what that might encompass.

“There’s one thing more he wants me to tell you,” Angela continues. “I know it’s a bit early, but I have checked this out very, very carefully, and I have been told that now is the right time to tell you this information.”

I perk up. So far, things are going well. Karl is in heaven and he is well. He has not suffered. He is not suffering. He is taking care of the money, and I am going to be okay financially. All good news after the worst five days of my whole life.

You will have love and happiness  in your life

“Karl wants me to tell you that you will have love and happiness again in your life. He will see to that.”

“I am glad for that,” I sigh, wondering what that means and why it’s so important for Angela to have “permission” to relay this information. It feels so generic. But any good news is welcome at this point — though this is not particularly remarkable news. I hope I will have love again in my life eventually, as I am clear in my heart that loving Karl has not turned me away from human loving.

“I did not explain that very well,” Angela corrects herself. She is the sort of clairvoyant who does not look like she is in a trance. With Angela, it’s just like we are having a normal conversation.

“What I meant to say is that Karl says you will have love and happiness later with a new partner.” She mentions the name of a man, an old friend of mine whom Karl has never met. But Karl knows I am close to him.

“Isn’t that a bit premature?” I inquire, shifting uneasily in my chair.

I feel a bit uncomfortable, but I am also intrigued.

‘Yes, Angela replies. “You’d think so, Wendy, but, as I said, I did check this out very carefully before you arrived, and I’ve been told it’s okay to tell you this. So, Karl has this man in mind for you, and he is going to help bring it about: your new partner.”

Silence bathes the sunlit room.

“Karl says not to worry about the details right now. It will all work out. He just wants you to know that he’s onto it. Karl will manage the matter of the new partner,” Angela smiles.

Angela mentions the man’s name. I am shocked. How could this be? This whole conversation is verging on the bizarre.

“Karl’s a bit rushed in his matchmaking, don’t you think?” I inquire, leaning forward, wincing with neck and shoulder pain.

“Karl’s not even in his grave, and already he’s finding me a new lover?”

“It will all come to pass in its own time,” Angela quietly reassures me.

“Of course, you have a lot to think about and a lot to do now, Wendy. For now, Karl only wants you to be healed, and that’s his job. Healing you and supporting you and taking care of the money. And loving you. What unfolds with your new partner will come later.”

I stare at Angela.

During the next fifteen months, we’ll become close, and Angela will guide and support me in innumerable ways. Right now, hardly able to breathe, I see this whole thiing as a bridge too far.

Right now, my beloved husband is lying on a slab in the hospital morgue. I have no idea what to think — or what to do next.