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00 Begin at the Beginning
1a About Wendy Sarkissian
no 1b    
1c Linked Table of Contents



2 or 3





5 Dedication
6 Preface
7 Welcome to my reader
8 My incompetent handling of Ross’s tragic death
9 Why we need the comfort, support and guidance of connection
10 Listening to Dr Alda
11 Pam reflects on mourning in an extended Greek family
12 Mourning practices in Tibetan Buddhism and Judaism
13 A social support system for people like me
14 What this book is about
15 What’s inside this book
16 How to read this book
16a Book 1: Baptism: Life with Karl
17 Poem: Baptism


18 Chapter 1: Losing Karl
19 In the Tweed Heads Memorial Hospital
20 A fortuitous meeting with a clairvoyant


21 Chapter 2: My life with Karl
22 Meeting Karl
23 The art of sexual ecstasy
24 Our visit to the black swans
25 Marrying at midlife
26 Why don’t you try me tonight?
27 A near tragedy
28a Much in common and lessons in courage
28b A death in the family
29 This strange, enchanted man
30 Working together and learning to live together
31 A poetic Karl faces life’s challenges
32 Drawn to Nimbin
33 Man who finishes house dies
34 Dreaming, building, loving and losing the gratitude house
35 Glowing Karl
36 A near miss and a delicious lunch


37 Chapter 3: My seasons of Loss
38 Mourning after
39 Marking time 1
40 Leaving our life behind
41 Cozy, familiar West End
42 On the cusp
43 Flooded out
44 After the flood

BOOK 2: POSTS 44a TO 47a

44a Book 2: I do have this
45 Brave new life/soft landing
46 Poem: I do have this, 17 May 2017
47a What is happening here?


47b Chapter 4: The secrets of staying connected


48 Chapter 5: Is it wise to stay connected to a departed loved one?
49 Models of grief and grieving
50 My ritual contributions
51 Small acts of love


52 Chapter 6: The Reconciled Self
53 The Reconciled Self and the four Gateways of Wisdom
54 The emergence of the Reconciled Self
55 Staying connected: what to do and how to do it
56 Connecting after your loved one has died
57 The daily conversations
58 How to approach the Gateways of Wisdom
59 The Gateways of Wisdom
60 Contemplating the four Gateways of Wisdom
61 Using our healing model to address a problem or issue
62 My failed 75th birthday celebration Part 1
63 My failed 75th birthday celebration Part 2
64 Shamed by a good friend Part 1
65 Shamed by a good friend Part 2
66 Shamed by a good friend Part 3
67 Five principles for staying connected




68 Chapter 7: Acceptance
69 Is this really Karl speaking?
70 Asking Karl to help me accept my new reality
71 Karl’s first big miracle: when time stood still
72 Accepting so many losses
73 A journey with no destination
74 To lose being cozy with you
75 It’s only a house: accepting my housing situation
76 Visualizing a successful house sale
77 Accepting and reframing our lives together
78 One loving soul
79 Praise to Karl, the philosopher
80 For my lawyers, it’s all about the money
81 Aligned intentions
82 Our wedding anniversary lunch
83 Crossing over
84 Flooded out and homeless
85 Entitled to miracles
86 The gift of earthly life
87 Courage…and a reverse empty chair?
88 Remembering our intimate rituals
89 Teamwork and a soft landing
90 Acceptance: a reflective pause on pathway to the Reconciled Self
91 Acceptance: actually doing


92 Chapter 8: Gratitude
93 In the before time: first poem for Karl
94 Dr Vanda’s compassionate advice
95 High lonesome
96 Heather’s response to my desperate email
97 How to accept such a communication with gratitude
98 Reflecting on Heather’s email
99 The many dimensions of gratitude
100 The “flow”
101 An example of gratitude: reframing Heather’s hurtful email
102 Reframing: Rose Gardner’s example
103 Karl’s simple expressions of gratitude
104 Karl’s blessed life
105 A grateful Karl in heaven
106 Reframing failure as gratitude…and solace in small blessings
107 Dwelling in gratitude
108 Believing in marigolds
109 Reflections on our relationship … and celebrations
110 A new beginning
111 A reflective pause on the pathway to the Reconciled Self
112 Gratitude: Actually doing

CHAPTER 9: POSTS 113-129

113 Chapter 9: Forgiveness
114 Some lessons in forgiveness
115 My initial feelings are not of forgiveness
116 Apologies and forgiveness
117 Appreciation and lack of appreciation
118 Feeling beloved and opening up
119 A paradigm shift and self-acceptance
120 Is there still more to forgive?
121 Matchmaker Karl on disrespect for men
122 I am forced to reframe Karl’s laziness
123 Lessons of a conscientious mourner
124 Reconceptualizing Karl with eyes and heart wide open
125 Not blaming and keeping the door open
126 The gift of attentive loving
127 Forgiving others as our communication comes to a close
128 At the Forgiveness Gateway: a reflective pause on the pathway to the Reconciled Self
129 Actually doing: some ways of taking action at the Forgiveness Gateway



CHAPTER 10: POSTS 130-156

130 Chapter 10: Engagement: the sacred work of sorrow
131 Some origins of Karl’s activism
132 The benefits of self-care in grief
133 Why we should take our grief out and about
134 Expressive writing
135 Ten principles for keeping a journal of forgiveness
136 Co-destiny and the Phoenix phenomenon
137 Spiritual alchemy and sacred activism
138 Examples of survivor missions in road safety activism
139a You call that a weld!
139b Planning consultants and activists together
140 My re-entry into activism
141 Road safety activism: how we did it
142 Presenting my Victim Impact Statement
143 What really happened at Tweed Shire Council?
144 The first action of our survivor mission
145 Our road safety activism draws to a close
146 Bless this Road
147 Bless this Road Part 1
148 Bless this Road Part 2
149 Bless our singer, Luke Vassella
150 Bless this Road Part 3
151 Reflecting on Bless this Road
152 Our activism in Karl’s name to promote road safety
153 Lessons from our road safety activism
154 Drinking the tears of the Earth
155 Engagement: a reflective pause on the pathway to the reconciled self
156 Actually doing it: some ways of taking action  

CHAPTER 11: POSTS 157-160

157 Chapter 11: Conclusions and letting go of my old life
158 Reflections on the healing path
159 Cutting the cords and letting go of my old life
160 A huge lesson and final correspondence with Karl


161 Epilogue
162 Appreciations
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